How did I get here? (Good Christian girls did it too)

Good Christian girls did it too.

       Good Christian girls still do it.

We had Christian friends, and worship music, and were leaders in our student ministry. We led Bible studies, had daily quiet times, and watched God answer our prayers. We fed the homeless and confessed our sins at retreats. We shared a devo at FCA and obeyed our parents. We kissed dating goodbye. We dressed modestly most of the time. We knew not to have sex before we were married because true love waits. We pledged in our hearts or with rings or necklaces to be pure and wait for God’s man for us. We loved Jesus.

We knew Truth and we knew better.

And we “did it.”

Truly we felt strong in our faith, solid in our love, and tried to do right and be good. Yet, at some point, we look around at how far we've tumbled from some spiritual high place or mountain top, and in a battered, messy heap at the bottom we ask...

“How did I get here?”

We aren't left there without answers. God shows us in His Word that at the height of faith, love, and obedience, we can fall into sexual sin. He reveals this in the story of David. You might know David as King David, or the story of David and Goliath. If you were raised going to church, you may know about David’s anointing by Samuel, David being chased by Saul, David and Johnathan, God’s covenant with David—and at the height of an extraordinary relationship with God, at the apex of victories, mercy and might, at the pinnacle of a “mountain top experience”—

David and Bathsheba.

I scoured the Scriptures trying to figure out how a man with such a relationship with God could end up falling headlong into sexual sin.

A few verses imply the state of David’s heart. God’s commands for kings in Deuteronomy 17 included that Israel’s king must not multiply, or have, many wives. The consequence for ignoring this command? His heart would be led astray.

David should have had a personally handwritten copy of the law. He was to read it daily so he would know it front to back, and know God as he followed His ways. David knew the command for the king was one wife. David knew Truth and knew better.

David had seven wives. (2 Samuel 3:2-5, 13-14)

David did not BASE jump from the mountain top into sexual sin with Bathsheba. With each choice from his heart to ignore God’s Word, with each new wife and relationship, David’s heart slowly turned from God’s desires and ways for him, to his own.

Heart led astray. 

I believe those words mean slowly, step by step, passively controlled and overpowered by something, to a place you are not supposed to be.

According to Deuteronomy 17, God was supposed to be his first love, his deepest desire, and the One David would rely on to meet all his needs. Instead, he ultimately turned to wives, women, and his own prowess. Yet, having more didn't equal being satisfied. His desires took control, luring him down an ever-darkening path towards unchecked indulgence, destruction and heart break.

How was your heart led astray?

Was there a slow step by step path paved with desires and choices that led you towards sexual sin?

For me, it was a slow progression, one I honestly didn't realize was happening. I was a good, churched girl with a mountain top experience, yet I also had deep needs. And, I didn't know that God could truly meet all my needs, or that I could turn my needy heart towards Him. I think I knew through church of how to do right and be good, but I could not figure out why those things weren't fitting into what I was experiencing in my own life. Lofty Bible things played out for other, better, holier, prettier, less needy people.

I gradually began to explore how to have my needs met through my relationships with guys. My needs became chained to deep desires that were satisfied momentarily, but they were never fully met. So I kept hungering, kept seeking, kept offering more and taking more.

My heart was being led astray. His Spirit was convicting me, calling me to stop, turn around and come back to Him. But, at some point I chose to ignore to the Voice in my heart, the One calling me back to the simple truths I knew about God and His way. My needs and desires and finally, demands for indulgence drowned out the sweet call of the Spirit—the same Spirit David must have heard calling to him. I found myself in places I shouldn't have been, and I fell into sexual sin.

How did we get here? The “path of heart led astray.” This is part of David’s story and I am thankful God chose to tell all of David’s story in Scripture. God’s story also tells me that He wasn't done with David after his heart was led astray. It didn't end with a fall or a messed-up heap. Since He wasn't through with David, we can trust He isn't done with good Christian girls who knew better and did it anyways.

Just another seed of my faith,

Ginny