2 Ways to Stop Making the Same Relationship Mistakes (Pt. 2)

Have you ever been given words of wisdom or advice that you wished later you had heeded? 
Words that echoed in your head after your own experience proved them right?
Truths that you should have taken to heart, but in the moment you thought you knew better?

I believe we often do this because what it would take for us to follow such wisdom feels too hard. Our way seems easier, softer, better, more gradual, less painful. I know this well. There was a time when I was given words of advice, wisdom, or even warning by the few good people in my life, and I would find ways to justify why it was true for them but could never apply to me.

I wanted help to not make the same relationship mistakes again. I didn't think I could be more broken, and so I couldn't handle one more messy relationship. I would struggle and cry in the midst of such hunger and heart sickness.

But I didn't want a cure, I wanted comfort. 

Comfort for me was to not have to change anything but to still be better and have better relationships, or maybe just change a small things that would put me in a much better place. Whatever it was, it needed to make sense, and I needed to feel good about it.

My journey with Jesus gave me two answers to a single burning question. Here's the second: 

Q: How do I quit making the same relationship mistakes that lead to the same place of brokenness?
A: Cut it off.

These were Jesus’ words as He God-defined what humans had made a mess of. We needed truth, but it wasn't going to comfort us, instead it would cut to the core and provide a cure for our sin sickness. We had gotten things wrong in our understanding of His ways. 

Jesus told us that what happens in our hearts, where no one else could see, deeply mattered. We could look lily white on the outside, and be like a rotting graves on the inside. And that mattered. Our hearts, our souls, our minds mattered to God as much as our bodies and actions. Sin could spread like a sickness inside before it ever revealed its shocking symptoms on the outside. 

"You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.” (Matt. 5:27-30)

Wow, Jesus. Not much comfort there. Pretty drastic. And that’s not advice, it’s a command.

What He’s telling us is this: His way is to be whole from the inside out, not hide and ignore the inside and just put on a show on the outside. So, address your heart. Where do you struggle in relationships? Why do you struggle? What leads you to a place in relationships where you believe that “if only I had _____, then I’d be _____”?

What are you really looking for? Why have you turned, in your heart, to follow a path where you seek to meet your own desires and needs—that path of heart led astray? When will you turn around and seek where or how God can meet your deeper desires and needs? 

Then, He’s telling us that whatever causes us to sin, cut it off. Not in a physical sense, but as a radical choice. You've heard those crazy stories about people in desperate situations like rock climbers alone in the mountains, pinned in a crevice, or farmers in a far field trapped under machinery without help. They have a choice: die, or cut off their own limb and live. It’s the same picture. 

Stuck making the same mistakes? Pinned down, broken, and wondering how to get out? You have a choice.

Dissect the shocking image and what we find is, we aren't commanded to have a tough conversation with that eye or hand. We aren't told to put a sock on it or cover it with a patch, putting boundaries around it so it behaves better. We aren't called to make a tough choice and then carry pieces of it around with us; it’ll rot and cause indescribable sickness that will spread. We are called to make a radical choice to make a painful separation and get the thing that causes us to sin as far away from us as we can. Cut it off and throw it away.

These are the words of wisdom, the clarion call that would have changed my course, and because they weren't comforting words, I discarded them. 

What does cut it off and throw it away mean for you? Not “to” you. Jesus has told us what it means. “For” you—what are you going to have to do? 

The most common radical choice I see young women have to make: break up. Stop dating and start healing. It sounds shocking, and hard, and it has so many implications. You have to cut it off. You have to throw it away. It will be painful. You’ll have to take time to heal. And it’ll leave a mark…for a while. 

When we take our messy hearts and with a radical choice--bleeding, broken, and in need of healing—we go to Jesus, the beauty of what he does as Healer is to heal both our hearts and our lives, inside and out. He doesn’t leave people with stumps and patches. He heals so we are whole, new, restored, changed, so we can live a life in Him of more than all our eyes could see or our minds could ever grab a hold of. (1 Cor. 2:9-10)

Just another seed of my faith,
Ginny

Am I forever marked by my past?

As I was searching for what it meant to really live beyond my past, I looked for stories that seemed finished. Ones that would give me hope and some kind of picture of how this could be. I’ll be honest with you, what I remembered of Rahab was that she was a prostitute. Not really the poster child for living beyond.

If that’s how I remembered her, is that how God “remembered” her? Is she just forever marked in Scripture as Rahab the prostitute?  Did she really get to live beyond her past?

To give you a quick answer, she did! She became a wife and a mother and a follower of God. There are some great scriptures and stories of her legacy, but for us today, we’ll consider three scriptures that answer our deeper question.

Salmon the father of Boaz, whose mother was Rahab,
Boaz the father of Obed, whose mother was Ruth,
Obed the father of Jesse,
and Jesse the father of King David. (Matthew 1:5-6)

A woman who came from a sexually messed up culture and a past of sexual sin—a woman who was rescued and made whole—is forever linked to the Messiah! That list in Matthew is Jesus’ genealogy, and she is one of just five women listed! It highlights her story in Jesus, and Jesus forever in her story. What’s more, God delights in showing off His glory and grace—that glory and grace over Rahab that coursed through the veins of the Savior that poured out His life for us.

Rahab’s story confirms there is real life beyond Jericho (our pasts) for all of us. But consider that in living beyond her past she would have to look at her full story. She and the Israelites knew the story. She was from Jericho and had been a prostitute. She was the only one with faith in Jericho, the walls came down, and she was made whole. Who could ever forget that story in its fullness? Because didn't even stop with being made whole--her full story was an invitation to her and the whole Israelite community to see her deliverance and their deliverance as a picture of greater things to come. We know those “greater things” as Jesus Christ and the Great Rescue—the Gospel!

We have to look back on our pasts through the lens of God seeing us all along and look forward through the lens that He brought us out to live new lives, ones that reflect His full Story. See how God views her full story.  

 By faith the prostitute Rahab, because she welcomed the spies, was not killed with those who were disobedient. (Hebrews 11:31)

 In the same way, was not even Rahab the prostitute considered righteous for what she did when she gave lodging to the spies and sent them off in a different direction? (James 2:25)

 These verses specifically point out her faith. Rahab is remembered for her faith! And while both of these verses remind us that she was a prostitute, they don’t remind God that she was a prostitute. He includes that for our benefit, not His. He does so only to show us that in the midst of our darkest places, faith can happen! Rahab believed God, not when she was cleaned up and “holy”, but when she was actively living in Jericho and in sexual sin. Do you know what that means for you and me?

First it means faith is yours to receive, by grace, right where you are. If you have not believed Jesus for salvation and His ability to rescue you out of sin and make you whole, you can! If you have not yet trusted Christ as your personal Savior, do it now! Otherwise, you cannot heal. You will not know what it means to fully, wholly live beyond your past. There are no more steps we can take together without your salvation. Jesus is calling to you—come, believe, live!

For those of us who have believed Christ to be our Savior, Rahab’s full story proves to us that God does not remember us as we were in the midst of our sin. Our sexual sin is not forever the label or “scarlet letter” we have to wear (or conceal). God’s story in Rahab tells us that we are not labeled with our old lives. Our faith is all that remains, therefore our full stories point to the Giver of Faith, the Rescuer, the Caller of All Things That Are Not As Though They Were, the I AM--and the Gospel in action. So really all that remains is God and His glory, center stage.

With that truth active in our lives, “Rahabs” like you and me get to live beyond our pasts in the new life He has given us with Him. We get to live as God has made us: whole.

Just another seed of my faith,

Ginny

Waiting on the Precipice

We stand on the precipice of a new year. That usually brings feelings of hope for what could be, and reflection on what has been. And something in the middle called waiting. Hope for what could be and wonder that is hasn't happened yet. I wonder, at the end of the year, what you are waiting for.

When it comes to living beyond your past do you, like Rahab, stand waiting, watching, for the final straw that will usher you into the unfettered life you've hoped for?  When the words” leave behind” and “live beyond” will be more than hope, they’ll be reality?

Rahab watched, and then she heard it. How much had she heard about Him! She was hearing the sound of His faithfulness. He was coming to rescue her. First it was the rumbling of the army marching, then the trumpets. For six days, she heard the sounds of deliverance.

But still she waited.

On the precipice of a new day, the sound of the army and trumpets filled the air. This time, something more rang out.

"Shout! For the LORD has given you the city! The city and all that is in it are to be devoted to the LORD. Only Rahab the prostitute and all who are with her in her house shall be spared, because she hid the spies we sent.” (Josh. 6:16-17)

The Hebrew word for “let live” or in my NIV1984 “shall be spared” is chayah and it means to live, to revive, give (promise) life, nourish up, preserve (alive), recover, repair, restore (to life), revive, God save (alive, life, lives), surely, be whole.

Be whole.

Stop and breathe it in.

Yes surely, to be whole.

He is faithful to every individual to make them whole when they believe. Not just get you out of sin yet still be broken; rather to deliver you and make you whole. God showed up for Rahab and the command was: destroy this place that is wicked and that holds her in, and let her surely be whole. God promised her Life and it was time to live in it.

Are you ready for your walls to come down? Are you ready to be revived and restored to life? Are you starving to be nourished up? Do you surely want to be whole?

Then the time has come. Right now, those walls can come down! Jericho’s walls were no match for the I AM. They were brought down in an instant and never rebuilt. Everything inside was devoted (or given over) to God, never to be taken back.

Wholeness for us, as for Rahab, means that walls that have held in place the lies and sin residing in our spirits, souls, and bodies are going to come down. The walls of life patterns, views of the world and sex, how we approach relationships, how we view men and ourselves, how we see our bodies, even how we have, until now, understood and related to God—all those walls are going to come down.  We do not have to be held captive or live any longer inside those walls. Christ said He came to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners. (Isa. 61:1) Christ’s life and death were the shout, and His resurrection brought the walls down! Now we get to leave behind the rubble of our old spirit-soul-body ways and walk in wholeness and new life with Jesus. What are we waiting for?

With the thrill of His freedom in full view, understand that wholeness also means everything inside the walls is going to have to be given over completely to God. None of that will be allowed to be held on to, or come with us when we leave. It can’t be a part of living beyond, because we won’t really be living beyond. We’ll just move a bit and claim a “fresh start,” only to discover that we brought trouble and destruction with us. (Josh. 6:18)

Take time to consider what you are waiting for. Do you believe that God can bring down the walls that you have built up in your spirit, soul (the seat of thoughts and emotions), and body that stand against Him and hold you and your sin inside them? Whether you feel captive or in some ways comfortable, talk to Him about what’s inside your walls that you’ll have to give to Him. He knows already, but He wants to engage your heart and show you what real freedom means.

If you stand on the precipice of living beyond your past, today is your day. Today, the walls come down. Today, you get to leave your past behind. Today, you get to be whole.

Just another seed of my faith,

Ginny 

A Name to Grab onto

(So, I've been editing and editing and editing and editing. You know I love words, and I have had to cut words by the thousands. It seems I can't edit and blog at the same time. So, the manuscript editing is done, and now we can pick up our journey together. Like good friends getting together for coffee, here we are again! To see our last conversation and remember where we left off, go to http://aseedofmyfaith.blogspot.com/2014/07/god-is-in-my-present-past-and-future.html)

I want to take a second and remind you why in the world we are looking at Rahab. She is a woman whose story comes full circle, from living in the mess of her culture to leaving it all behind and living in wholeness with God. The threads of her story tell us that what God did for her, He can do for us.

If we are going to live beyond our pasts, we need a way out. We may be in a place where we feel like we just need a leg up, a path revealed, or a hand to grab on to.

When our daughter was really little, it seemed her dolls were always falling off a cliff. They would be screaming this staring-death-in-the-face scream as their legs dangled over the edge of her bed, I mean, the cliff. Then someone steadily standing on the precipice would call out, “Gimme yor hand!” And the fair, screeching maiden would be rescued.

Many of us, like my daughter’s dolls, have been to the cliff’s edge. We have gone as far as we think we could go with this relationship, this need or desire, this approach to life, this sin, or “our pasts.” We want out; we seek healing, change, and freedom. In that place where we realize we need rescue, we need a hand that backs up the depth and weight of all truth, but a hand that’s easy to grab on to when trouble comes.

I AM THAT I AM is the depth and weight of God’s name. I AM is a shortened way of saying I AM THAT I AM. It’s the name God gave Israel to grab on to (Ex. 3:14) and the one Rahab grabbed on to in order to be rescued from the coming attack on her city. By His very name and nature, He extends His hand for us to reach out and grab onto Him too.

Who are we grabbing on to? I AM, LORD, tells each of us:

The LORD is committed to deliver us in ways that will show us Who He is. 

The LORD is committed to deliver us...
Like Rahab, the Israelites, and the rest of the world, God sees us as worth delivering. This shakes my soul, because I know how many times I felt like God wouldn't want to rescue me. I deserved to be where I was, and believed He felt that same way about me. I also know women who feel shame because once upon a time they said yes to rescue, and then went back into their old ways. They believe they had one shot at getting out and they blew it.  I believe many of us also think that time has run out for us. It's too late for rescue, so we resign to staying here, toughing it out, for the rest of our lives, maybe hoping time will help us feel better. (Has it?)

But He sees us as worth delivering. I know this, because He sent His Son when we were at our worst. We were His enemies and yet He still loved us and sent His Son to rescue us and bring us back to Himself. If we weren't worth delivering, He would not have made a way for rescue.

I AM says that He will rescue us out of sin, and shame, and the struggle with our pasts. Why? Because He doesn't leave anyone broken who desires to be whole. In the bigger picture, He desires that no one perish but that all come to repentance. (1 Pet. 3:9) He desires--wants--to rescue and bring us to a place of life with Him.

...in ways that will show us Who He is. 
But it gets better. He sees us as worth delivering and we will know Him by His delivering. Many of us may wonder if God rescues us if we'll really get to know Him. Will we be rescued because God rescues, but not get to have a close personal relationship with Him? Will the reason He had to rescue us be the very reason He will always hold us at arms length?

Think about rescue, about reaching out a hand and grabbing on. If you are drawn out of deep waters, your rescuer doesn't hold you away from his body. The strength of pulling you out of a terrible situation is found in arms that draw you up and towards the rescuer. You are wrapped in their arms, held close as you realize that you are finally safe. 

God grabs your hand and draws you into His loving, safe arms. He holds you there. You are pulled in close, but it doesn't stop there. You aren't dusted off, set upright, and left alone. Deliverance is the way we get to know Him personally, step by step, as He leads us out and beyond this place. It's being close to Him on a life journey of knowing Him. It starts with deliverance.

We will know Who He is by looking at what He has done.
This name, I AM, reminded Moses and the people that God had been known personally by their forefathers, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, and He had done amazing things for them.

For us, that is true as well. If we want to know God, we need to look at Jesus and what He has done. Christ expresses this truth in John 14:9-11. According to these verses we can see God if we look at Jesus. We see God at work through Jesus, and by listening to the words of Jesus.

I cannot think of a single story where someone called out in faith to be healed--taken from broken to whole, from living in this sinful or terrible place to getting to live in a new life--where Jesus denied that cry. I can think of so many where He reached out first! He loved to reach out His hands and touch and make new, forgive sins and offer new life. That's our God. He doesn't change. He still loves to bring wholeness and a life in Him beyond the old story.

We also look at what He did on the cross. Here He stretched out His hands for our rescue. Because He delivered us by the finished work on the cross...

Later, knowing that all was now completed, and so that the Scripture would be fulfilled, Jesus said, "I am thirsty." A jar of wine vinegar was there, so they soaked a sponge in it, put the sponge on a stalk of the hyssop plant, and lifted it to Jesus' lips. When he had received the drink, Jesus said, "It is finished." With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit. (Jn. 19:28-30)

...we get to spend today and eternity knowing Him.

Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent. (Jn. 17:3)

A hand that willfully, wants to, reach out and rescue. A hand that stretched out on the cross, and a hand that will hold us today and lead us into eternity. But hands are connected to someone. That hand is His hand. The One you can know, Who has known you all along, and wants you to know Him more. For all eternity.

It's that hand extended, reaching out to you, to rescue you, once and for all, out of your old story, out of your past.

We have the same choice Rahab did. Will we grab on?

Just another seed of my faith,
Ginny

Somebody had to say it

I read an article in Relevant magazine that magnified our issue with the "s-word" in our faith communities. It was one of the 5 Uncomfortable Issues The Church Needs to Talk About

Why are we silent? Honestly, we are not silent about other's sexuality. We are vocal about our concerns and God's Word towards a myriad of sexual issues and sins that manifest themselves in the lives of those around us. 

And I think there are great speakers, bloggers, teachers, even institutes who are working on fueling a Christ-centered conversation that they hope and pray will produce transformation.

No, I mean us. Regular believers in regular churches. Small groups, Bible studies, friendships. We struggle to share what many of us deal with, and that is either sexual sin in the past or current sexual desires and issues. 

Our reservation is beyond the private nature of sex. It's beyond the concern over polite conversation. I believe if we shared we'd have to expect a response. We fear the response, or we fear that we'll have to give one. Everyone would be exposed. What would we all say?

Brennan Manning in Ragamuffin Gospel is faithful to remind us that the ground is level at the foot of the Cross. We are all radically rescued. When it comes to past or current sin struggles, we have the privilege to both reflect our humble state and our incredible Savior. What we want to both give and receive is not condemnation or judgement, but hope, healing or help.

I believe many of us feel inhibited to share hope, healing, or help because if we were really honest, we can't give what we don't have. We haven't actually sorted through our story with Christ. I've said He only deals in redemptive stories. Our story has been redeemed--do we know it? If we did, I think we would and could share without shame or stigma the truth of His story in us and how He continues to make and keep us whole. We could actually engage in a real, full conversation that the Church longs to have, helping others beyond shelved, stuck, shamed, secret, or straight-up broken.

It's not a two-way conversation either. There's another voice. You know, God is not mute on the subject of sex. Or redemption.

I recall a time as I taught God’s Word, that we ran into two separate stories which both tied into sexual sin. As I shared God’s heart concerning those passages of Scripture someone in the group was visibly uncomfortable and growing more uncomfortable by the minute. Continuing to talk through God’s perspective and His involvement in these situations and in the lives of these people, she finally motioned to me and said, “Excuse me; you realize that you’re talking about sex.”

I understood her discomfort. I used the "s-word" at church. It’s hard to imagine that a holy and pure and beautiful God would dig into that subject. We may see Him as the God Who created rules around sex and most of us know God’s Word contains a lot of “don’t” about sex. Beyond the “don’t” and the foreign agricultural love terms in Song of Solomon, discussions of sex get personal and physical. At times we can feel they don’t fit well in a discussion with God.

Thankfully the God we have not only designed sex and sexuality but also understands that the very things that He has designed us to be and do--in a perfect and beautiful and holy way--are the same things we can fail in. We can mess that up. But He’s a God who specializes in loving and healing and restoring, making us new by addressing all of the failures, mess ups, and the screw ups. I shared with her that while sometimes it’s hard to listen to, understand, or explore, God’s Word is full of people who have messed up. And moreover it’s full of people that have messed up sexually.

What’s amazing is that God is at the center of every single one of those stories. The people in those stories don’t get the glory, they don’t get center stage, and the sin doesn't get center stage either. God gets center stage. God’s story, the Bible, is about God. He’s at the center. Understanding that God is at the center of each of these stories is going to be critical as we delve into the fact that God desires to enter into the center of our own mess. And He gets the glory for getting us out and making us new. 

So, if you were a not-yet-believer, young or undiscipled believer, or lived in a home where the things of this world were the only things that were taught--there is a story for you.

If you experienced the presentation of God’s laws in a Bible-infused culture which was long on condemnation and shame but rather short on the love, practical explanation, and grace-filled counsel necessary to help you know Him and desire to follow His ways--there's a story for you.

If you knew God, knew better, and still did it--there's a story for you.

These were real people with real pasts stained with sexual sin, and in God, they ultimately found healing and living beyond all that. His whole story is found with prostitutes and kings. What He did for them, He can do for us.

I'll say the "s-word." But I'll say it with hope, healing, and help because He has made me whole. What He did for me, He can do for you.

Just another seed of my faith,
Ginny

Monica Lewinsky and a New Story

Have you ever been on a trip where you know which highway you'll be traveling on, you just have to find the on-ramp?

I have been on a journey for a long time, but specifically the last year. I know that there's a direction that God has for my life--a message He's given me to share. It's my highway, but I've been looking for an on ramp to begin to share it.

I found my on ramp. Monica Lewinsky.
I know, right?! Who would have thought?

She recently wrote an article for Vanity Fair. When I read it, it delighted me down to the depths of my soul. In it she shared, "It’s time to burn the beret and bury the blue dress."

I cannot imagine what she has been through. In the article, she was very up front with her personal choices to have a consensual, sexual relationship with President Clinton. She chose to do something in private, but the aftermath was on the public stage. Her image, name, and past were (and are) all over the internet. The personal devastation has been more than most of us could have handled.

When you think about Monica Lewinsky, if you know who she is, your thoughts are probably not on her quality as a White House intern. One sexual relationship. One affair. Handed a scarlet letter again and again for what she did. She is forever branded--black beret, blue dress.

Or is she?

Several studies have been done on sex and the church. The conclusion? A vast majority of Christians had sex before they were married. I, too, have a story that included premarital sexual sin. Maybe you do too.

We chose to do something in private, and the aftermath may not be all over the world's stage, but it can try to take center stage in our minds and memories. For many of us, we have confessed our sin and received God's forgiveness. We call the aftermath "our past,” and we've done an effective job of shelving it or moving on, but it lingers beneath the surface. It pops up in memories, dreams, and flashbacks that come at the strangest times. We've tried to rise above feelings of guilt and push ahead with better behavior, but this keeps coming up again and again in our hearts and minds.

Sexual sin. "Our past." Internally awarded a scarlet letter every time those thoughts rear their ugly head. We feel forever branded--our own version of a black beret and blue dress. Are you like Ms. Lewinsky? Do you ever just want to burn it and bury it?

The article says after ten years of silence, she has a message: "...it is time to stop 'tiptoeing around my past—and other people’s futures. I am determined to have a different ending to my story. I've decided, finally, to stick my head above the parapet so that I can take back my narrative and give a purpose to my past. (What this will cost me, I will soon find out.)'"

She's on a journey. She has made a bold choice. It's time to live a new story. Did you notice she is determined to have a different ending to her story? She is willing to risk everything, pay whatever price, to give a purpose to her past. She’s done being branded and wants to be known for hope and healing, and a new life beyond.

I am not sure about her faith story, but I know this for certain: God only deals in redemptive stories. He promised all the way back at the first sin, the first failure, that our stories were not over. He would come after us, He would cover us, and He would ultimately redeem humanity's story once and for all. Even when the consequences of humanity's private choices stared us in the face, God was the One finishing our story. He risked everything. He paid the price by giving His Son, Jesus, as a sacrifice for our sins. And by raising Him from the dead, He finished the old story and began a new one. One where the past doesn't reign--He does. And He will redeem, or give purpose, to our past, present, and future.

He has a whole story with us, not just a single story that brands us. It's a story where He gets center stage. The story begins as a journey, a trip, with Jesus. It's one I have taken with Him. It's one I am willing to travel again with whoever wants to journey beyond past sexual sin and into the living God has for us beyond.

This is the on-ramp. I'll be sharing the journey here. I hope you and the women that you know that share a desire to live in the wholeness God has for them will take this journey with me.

Saying yes to the One Who took back my narrative and gave purpose to my whole story...Saying yes to sharing His message.

The biggest seed of my faith yet,

Ginny