How did I get here? (Good Christian girls did it too)

Good Christian girls did it too.

       Good Christian girls still do it.

We had Christian friends, and worship music, and were leaders in our student ministry. We led Bible studies, had daily quiet times, and watched God answer our prayers. We fed the homeless and confessed our sins at retreats. We shared a devo at FCA and obeyed our parents. We kissed dating goodbye. We dressed modestly most of the time. We knew not to have sex before we were married because true love waits. We pledged in our hearts or with rings or necklaces to be pure and wait for God’s man for us. We loved Jesus.

We knew Truth and we knew better.

And we “did it.”

Truly we felt strong in our faith, solid in our love, and tried to do right and be good. Yet, at some point, we look around at how far we've tumbled from some spiritual high place or mountain top, and in a battered, messy heap at the bottom we ask...

“How did I get here?”

We aren't left there without answers. God shows us in His Word that at the height of faith, love, and obedience, we can fall into sexual sin. He reveals this in the story of David. You might know David as King David, or the story of David and Goliath. If you were raised going to church, you may know about David’s anointing by Samuel, David being chased by Saul, David and Johnathan, God’s covenant with David—and at the height of an extraordinary relationship with God, at the apex of victories, mercy and might, at the pinnacle of a “mountain top experience”—

David and Bathsheba.

I scoured the Scriptures trying to figure out how a man with such a relationship with God could end up falling headlong into sexual sin.

A few verses imply the state of David’s heart. God’s commands for kings in Deuteronomy 17 included that Israel’s king must not multiply, or have, many wives. The consequence for ignoring this command? His heart would be led astray.

David should have had a personally handwritten copy of the law. He was to read it daily so he would know it front to back, and know God as he followed His ways. David knew the command for the king was one wife. David knew Truth and knew better.

David had seven wives. (2 Samuel 3:2-5, 13-14)

David did not BASE jump from the mountain top into sexual sin with Bathsheba. With each choice from his heart to ignore God’s Word, with each new wife and relationship, David’s heart slowly turned from God’s desires and ways for him, to his own.

Heart led astray. 

I believe those words mean slowly, step by step, passively controlled and overpowered by something, to a place you are not supposed to be.

According to Deuteronomy 17, God was supposed to be his first love, his deepest desire, and the One David would rely on to meet all his needs. Instead, he ultimately turned to wives, women, and his own prowess. Yet, having more didn't equal being satisfied. His desires took control, luring him down an ever-darkening path towards unchecked indulgence, destruction and heart break.

How was your heart led astray?

Was there a slow step by step path paved with desires and choices that led you towards sexual sin?

For me, it was a slow progression, one I honestly didn't realize was happening. I was a good, churched girl with a mountain top experience, yet I also had deep needs. And, I didn't know that God could truly meet all my needs, or that I could turn my needy heart towards Him. I think I knew through church of how to do right and be good, but I could not figure out why those things weren't fitting into what I was experiencing in my own life. Lofty Bible things played out for other, better, holier, prettier, less needy people.

I gradually began to explore how to have my needs met through my relationships with guys. My needs became chained to deep desires that were satisfied momentarily, but they were never fully met. So I kept hungering, kept seeking, kept offering more and taking more.

My heart was being led astray. His Spirit was convicting me, calling me to stop, turn around and come back to Him. But, at some point I chose to ignore to the Voice in my heart, the One calling me back to the simple truths I knew about God and His way. My needs and desires and finally, demands for indulgence drowned out the sweet call of the Spirit—the same Spirit David must have heard calling to him. I found myself in places I shouldn't have been, and I fell into sexual sin.

How did we get here? The “path of heart led astray.” This is part of David’s story and I am thankful God chose to tell all of David’s story in Scripture. God’s story also tells me that He wasn't done with David after his heart was led astray. It didn't end with a fall or a messed-up heap. Since He wasn't through with David, we can trust He isn't done with good Christian girls who knew better and did it anyways.

Just another seed of my faith,

Ginny

Am I forever marked by my past?

As I was searching for what it meant to really live beyond my past, I looked for stories that seemed finished. Ones that would give me hope and some kind of picture of how this could be. I’ll be honest with you, what I remembered of Rahab was that she was a prostitute. Not really the poster child for living beyond.

If that’s how I remembered her, is that how God “remembered” her? Is she just forever marked in Scripture as Rahab the prostitute?  Did she really get to live beyond her past?

To give you a quick answer, she did! She became a wife and a mother and a follower of God. There are some great scriptures and stories of her legacy, but for us today, we’ll consider three scriptures that answer our deeper question.

Salmon the father of Boaz, whose mother was Rahab,
Boaz the father of Obed, whose mother was Ruth,
Obed the father of Jesse,
and Jesse the father of King David. (Matthew 1:5-6)

A woman who came from a sexually messed up culture and a past of sexual sin—a woman who was rescued and made whole—is forever linked to the Messiah! That list in Matthew is Jesus’ genealogy, and she is one of just five women listed! It highlights her story in Jesus, and Jesus forever in her story. What’s more, God delights in showing off His glory and grace—that glory and grace over Rahab that coursed through the veins of the Savior that poured out His life for us.

Rahab’s story confirms there is real life beyond Jericho (our pasts) for all of us. But consider that in living beyond her past she would have to look at her full story. She and the Israelites knew the story. She was from Jericho and had been a prostitute. She was the only one with faith in Jericho, the walls came down, and she was made whole. Who could ever forget that story in its fullness? Because didn't even stop with being made whole--her full story was an invitation to her and the whole Israelite community to see her deliverance and their deliverance as a picture of greater things to come. We know those “greater things” as Jesus Christ and the Great Rescue—the Gospel!

We have to look back on our pasts through the lens of God seeing us all along and look forward through the lens that He brought us out to live new lives, ones that reflect His full Story. See how God views her full story.  

 By faith the prostitute Rahab, because she welcomed the spies, was not killed with those who were disobedient. (Hebrews 11:31)

 In the same way, was not even Rahab the prostitute considered righteous for what she did when she gave lodging to the spies and sent them off in a different direction? (James 2:25)

 These verses specifically point out her faith. Rahab is remembered for her faith! And while both of these verses remind us that she was a prostitute, they don’t remind God that she was a prostitute. He includes that for our benefit, not His. He does so only to show us that in the midst of our darkest places, faith can happen! Rahab believed God, not when she was cleaned up and “holy”, but when she was actively living in Jericho and in sexual sin. Do you know what that means for you and me?

First it means faith is yours to receive, by grace, right where you are. If you have not believed Jesus for salvation and His ability to rescue you out of sin and make you whole, you can! If you have not yet trusted Christ as your personal Savior, do it now! Otherwise, you cannot heal. You will not know what it means to fully, wholly live beyond your past. There are no more steps we can take together without your salvation. Jesus is calling to you—come, believe, live!

For those of us who have believed Christ to be our Savior, Rahab’s full story proves to us that God does not remember us as we were in the midst of our sin. Our sexual sin is not forever the label or “scarlet letter” we have to wear (or conceal). God’s story in Rahab tells us that we are not labeled with our old lives. Our faith is all that remains, therefore our full stories point to the Giver of Faith, the Rescuer, the Caller of All Things That Are Not As Though They Were, the I AM--and the Gospel in action. So really all that remains is God and His glory, center stage.

With that truth active in our lives, “Rahabs” like you and me get to live beyond our pasts in the new life He has given us with Him. We get to live as God has made us: whole.

Just another seed of my faith,

Ginny

Somebody had to say it

I read an article in Relevant magazine that magnified our issue with the "s-word" in our faith communities. It was one of the 5 Uncomfortable Issues The Church Needs to Talk About

Why are we silent? Honestly, we are not silent about other's sexuality. We are vocal about our concerns and God's Word towards a myriad of sexual issues and sins that manifest themselves in the lives of those around us. 

And I think there are great speakers, bloggers, teachers, even institutes who are working on fueling a Christ-centered conversation that they hope and pray will produce transformation.

No, I mean us. Regular believers in regular churches. Small groups, Bible studies, friendships. We struggle to share what many of us deal with, and that is either sexual sin in the past or current sexual desires and issues. 

Our reservation is beyond the private nature of sex. It's beyond the concern over polite conversation. I believe if we shared we'd have to expect a response. We fear the response, or we fear that we'll have to give one. Everyone would be exposed. What would we all say?

Brennan Manning in Ragamuffin Gospel is faithful to remind us that the ground is level at the foot of the Cross. We are all radically rescued. When it comes to past or current sin struggles, we have the privilege to both reflect our humble state and our incredible Savior. What we want to both give and receive is not condemnation or judgement, but hope, healing or help.

I believe many of us feel inhibited to share hope, healing, or help because if we were really honest, we can't give what we don't have. We haven't actually sorted through our story with Christ. I've said He only deals in redemptive stories. Our story has been redeemed--do we know it? If we did, I think we would and could share without shame or stigma the truth of His story in us and how He continues to make and keep us whole. We could actually engage in a real, full conversation that the Church longs to have, helping others beyond shelved, stuck, shamed, secret, or straight-up broken.

It's not a two-way conversation either. There's another voice. You know, God is not mute on the subject of sex. Or redemption.

I recall a time as I taught God’s Word, that we ran into two separate stories which both tied into sexual sin. As I shared God’s heart concerning those passages of Scripture someone in the group was visibly uncomfortable and growing more uncomfortable by the minute. Continuing to talk through God’s perspective and His involvement in these situations and in the lives of these people, she finally motioned to me and said, “Excuse me; you realize that you’re talking about sex.”

I understood her discomfort. I used the "s-word" at church. It’s hard to imagine that a holy and pure and beautiful God would dig into that subject. We may see Him as the God Who created rules around sex and most of us know God’s Word contains a lot of “don’t” about sex. Beyond the “don’t” and the foreign agricultural love terms in Song of Solomon, discussions of sex get personal and physical. At times we can feel they don’t fit well in a discussion with God.

Thankfully the God we have not only designed sex and sexuality but also understands that the very things that He has designed us to be and do--in a perfect and beautiful and holy way--are the same things we can fail in. We can mess that up. But He’s a God who specializes in loving and healing and restoring, making us new by addressing all of the failures, mess ups, and the screw ups. I shared with her that while sometimes it’s hard to listen to, understand, or explore, God’s Word is full of people who have messed up. And moreover it’s full of people that have messed up sexually.

What’s amazing is that God is at the center of every single one of those stories. The people in those stories don’t get the glory, they don’t get center stage, and the sin doesn't get center stage either. God gets center stage. God’s story, the Bible, is about God. He’s at the center. Understanding that God is at the center of each of these stories is going to be critical as we delve into the fact that God desires to enter into the center of our own mess. And He gets the glory for getting us out and making us new. 

So, if you were a not-yet-believer, young or undiscipled believer, or lived in a home where the things of this world were the only things that were taught--there is a story for you.

If you experienced the presentation of God’s laws in a Bible-infused culture which was long on condemnation and shame but rather short on the love, practical explanation, and grace-filled counsel necessary to help you know Him and desire to follow His ways--there's a story for you.

If you knew God, knew better, and still did it--there's a story for you.

These were real people with real pasts stained with sexual sin, and in God, they ultimately found healing and living beyond all that. His whole story is found with prostitutes and kings. What He did for them, He can do for us.

I'll say the "s-word." But I'll say it with hope, healing, and help because He has made me whole. What He did for me, He can do for you.

Just another seed of my faith,
Ginny

Monica Lewinsky and a New Story

Have you ever been on a trip where you know which highway you'll be traveling on, you just have to find the on-ramp?

I have been on a journey for a long time, but specifically the last year. I know that there's a direction that God has for my life--a message He's given me to share. It's my highway, but I've been looking for an on ramp to begin to share it.

I found my on ramp. Monica Lewinsky.
I know, right?! Who would have thought?

She recently wrote an article for Vanity Fair. When I read it, it delighted me down to the depths of my soul. In it she shared, "It’s time to burn the beret and bury the blue dress."

I cannot imagine what she has been through. In the article, she was very up front with her personal choices to have a consensual, sexual relationship with President Clinton. She chose to do something in private, but the aftermath was on the public stage. Her image, name, and past were (and are) all over the internet. The personal devastation has been more than most of us could have handled.

When you think about Monica Lewinsky, if you know who she is, your thoughts are probably not on her quality as a White House intern. One sexual relationship. One affair. Handed a scarlet letter again and again for what she did. She is forever branded--black beret, blue dress.

Or is she?

Several studies have been done on sex and the church. The conclusion? A vast majority of Christians had sex before they were married. I, too, have a story that included premarital sexual sin. Maybe you do too.

We chose to do something in private, and the aftermath may not be all over the world's stage, but it can try to take center stage in our minds and memories. For many of us, we have confessed our sin and received God's forgiveness. We call the aftermath "our past,” and we've done an effective job of shelving it or moving on, but it lingers beneath the surface. It pops up in memories, dreams, and flashbacks that come at the strangest times. We've tried to rise above feelings of guilt and push ahead with better behavior, but this keeps coming up again and again in our hearts and minds.

Sexual sin. "Our past." Internally awarded a scarlet letter every time those thoughts rear their ugly head. We feel forever branded--our own version of a black beret and blue dress. Are you like Ms. Lewinsky? Do you ever just want to burn it and bury it?

The article says after ten years of silence, she has a message: "...it is time to stop 'tiptoeing around my past—and other people’s futures. I am determined to have a different ending to my story. I've decided, finally, to stick my head above the parapet so that I can take back my narrative and give a purpose to my past. (What this will cost me, I will soon find out.)'"

She's on a journey. She has made a bold choice. It's time to live a new story. Did you notice she is determined to have a different ending to her story? She is willing to risk everything, pay whatever price, to give a purpose to her past. She’s done being branded and wants to be known for hope and healing, and a new life beyond.

I am not sure about her faith story, but I know this for certain: God only deals in redemptive stories. He promised all the way back at the first sin, the first failure, that our stories were not over. He would come after us, He would cover us, and He would ultimately redeem humanity's story once and for all. Even when the consequences of humanity's private choices stared us in the face, God was the One finishing our story. He risked everything. He paid the price by giving His Son, Jesus, as a sacrifice for our sins. And by raising Him from the dead, He finished the old story and began a new one. One where the past doesn't reign--He does. And He will redeem, or give purpose, to our past, present, and future.

He has a whole story with us, not just a single story that brands us. It's a story where He gets center stage. The story begins as a journey, a trip, with Jesus. It's one I have taken with Him. It's one I am willing to travel again with whoever wants to journey beyond past sexual sin and into the living God has for us beyond.

This is the on-ramp. I'll be sharing the journey here. I hope you and the women that you know that share a desire to live in the wholeness God has for them will take this journey with me.

Saying yes to the One Who took back my narrative and gave purpose to my whole story...Saying yes to sharing His message.

The biggest seed of my faith yet,

Ginny