2 Ways to Stop Making the Same Relationship Mistakes (Pt. 2)

Have you ever been given words of wisdom or advice that you wished later you had heeded? 
Words that echoed in your head after your own experience proved them right?
Truths that you should have taken to heart, but in the moment you thought you knew better?

I believe we often do this because what it would take for us to follow such wisdom feels too hard. Our way seems easier, softer, better, more gradual, less painful. I know this well. There was a time when I was given words of advice, wisdom, or even warning by the few good people in my life, and I would find ways to justify why it was true for them but could never apply to me.

I wanted help to not make the same relationship mistakes again. I didn't think I could be more broken, and so I couldn't handle one more messy relationship. I would struggle and cry in the midst of such hunger and heart sickness.

But I didn't want a cure, I wanted comfort. 

Comfort for me was to not have to change anything but to still be better and have better relationships, or maybe just change a small things that would put me in a much better place. Whatever it was, it needed to make sense, and I needed to feel good about it.

My journey with Jesus gave me two answers to a single burning question. Here's the second: 

Q: How do I quit making the same relationship mistakes that lead to the same place of brokenness?
A: Cut it off.

These were Jesus’ words as He God-defined what humans had made a mess of. We needed truth, but it wasn't going to comfort us, instead it would cut to the core and provide a cure for our sin sickness. We had gotten things wrong in our understanding of His ways. 

Jesus told us that what happens in our hearts, where no one else could see, deeply mattered. We could look lily white on the outside, and be like a rotting graves on the inside. And that mattered. Our hearts, our souls, our minds mattered to God as much as our bodies and actions. Sin could spread like a sickness inside before it ever revealed its shocking symptoms on the outside. 

"You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.” (Matt. 5:27-30)

Wow, Jesus. Not much comfort there. Pretty drastic. And that’s not advice, it’s a command.

What He’s telling us is this: His way is to be whole from the inside out, not hide and ignore the inside and just put on a show on the outside. So, address your heart. Where do you struggle in relationships? Why do you struggle? What leads you to a place in relationships where you believe that “if only I had _____, then I’d be _____”?

What are you really looking for? Why have you turned, in your heart, to follow a path where you seek to meet your own desires and needs—that path of heart led astray? When will you turn around and seek where or how God can meet your deeper desires and needs? 

Then, He’s telling us that whatever causes us to sin, cut it off. Not in a physical sense, but as a radical choice. You've heard those crazy stories about people in desperate situations like rock climbers alone in the mountains, pinned in a crevice, or farmers in a far field trapped under machinery without help. They have a choice: die, or cut off their own limb and live. It’s the same picture. 

Stuck making the same mistakes? Pinned down, broken, and wondering how to get out? You have a choice.

Dissect the shocking image and what we find is, we aren't commanded to have a tough conversation with that eye or hand. We aren't told to put a sock on it or cover it with a patch, putting boundaries around it so it behaves better. We aren't called to make a tough choice and then carry pieces of it around with us; it’ll rot and cause indescribable sickness that will spread. We are called to make a radical choice to make a painful separation and get the thing that causes us to sin as far away from us as we can. Cut it off and throw it away.

These are the words of wisdom, the clarion call that would have changed my course, and because they weren't comforting words, I discarded them. 

What does cut it off and throw it away mean for you? Not “to” you. Jesus has told us what it means. “For” you—what are you going to have to do? 

The most common radical choice I see young women have to make: break up. Stop dating and start healing. It sounds shocking, and hard, and it has so many implications. You have to cut it off. You have to throw it away. It will be painful. You’ll have to take time to heal. And it’ll leave a mark…for a while. 

When we take our messy hearts and with a radical choice--bleeding, broken, and in need of healing—we go to Jesus, the beauty of what he does as Healer is to heal both our hearts and our lives, inside and out. He doesn’t leave people with stumps and patches. He heals so we are whole, new, restored, changed, so we can live a life in Him of more than all our eyes could see or our minds could ever grab a hold of. (1 Cor. 2:9-10)

Just another seed of my faith,
Ginny

2 Ways to Stop Making the Same Relationship Mistakes (Pt.1)

Seventeen years ago today, Chip and I got married. Our anniversary is one of the most important days of the year to me. It’s this glorious marker that by grace we’ve defied the odds that were stacked against us! It’s a celebration of a lot of things that are just “us.” Our anniversary also reminds me that at one point God rescued me and I began walking with God on a new path, in a new direction, one that included a right and good relationship. I want to use the words “actually” or “finally” in there somewhere because I was the queen of long-term, broken, unhealthy, sin-filled relationships with men. With God, I was able to live beyond that! 

My journey with Him gave me two answers to a single burning question. Here's the first:

Q: How do I quit making the same relationship mistakes that lead to the same place of brokenness?
A: Know your rooftops.

Journey through 2 Samuel 11:1-4 with me to discover rooftops. This part of David’s story holds one of the keys to not making the same relationship mistakes over and over again. 

In the spring, at the time when kings go off to war, David sent Joab out with the king's men and the whole Israelite army. They destroyed the Ammonites and besieged Rabbah. But David remained in Jerusalem. One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, and David sent someone to find out about her. The man said, "Isn't this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite?" Then David sent messengers to get her. She came to him, and he slept with her…

David’s progression went something like this: 
  He should have been at war. He remained in Jerusalem. 
    He should have been peacefully at rest. He walked restlessly on his rooftop. 
      He should have turned his eyes away from the bathing woman.
        He asked someone to find out more about her. 
          He should have listened to the servant’s subtle caution about the married woman.
           He sent messengers to get Bathsheba.

Spoken like this, David’s downfall seems fast, doesn’t it? However, we’ve seen it didn’t begin with a rooftop. This was much farther down the path of “heart led astray.” Like a jenga tower, the rooftop was the last piece pulled before the blocks collapsed.

Rooftops can be spiritual places, emotional and mental places, and physical places. Think about those three aspects as we consider that a rooftop is…

• An innocent place. Rooftops were not known to be dens of iniquity. A rooftop was a personal place for a king, a place to get some fresh air, or to sit and meet with his family or advisers. Despite his choice to not be in the right place (at war like all the other kings), it was David’s own heart and lust that made the rooftop a dark place.
• A planned, deliberate choice—to be here instead of there. This can be a physical location but we can also choose emotional or spiritual places in relationships that can lead to a total mess including sexual sin such as longing for approval or running to numb feelings of conviction. 
• A place of restlessness. When we are restlessly seeking to meet our own needs we begin looking here, there and everywhere for that perfect situation and perfect person to meet our desires. 
• A place of entertaining possibilities. We become willing to deceive ourselves with the notion that something or someone out there will be able to meet all our needs, desires, and expectations. 
• A place separate from our “brothers” and without real accountability. We probably have plenty of company, but we grow increasingly disconnected from truth-speaking Christ followers, and friends who call to God out of a pure heart. (2 Tim. 2:22) When we are alone with our thoughts, our growing emptiness, and our struggle we’re left vulnerable. Without authentic relationships with people who respect us and love us enough to speak real truth and point us to Jesus, we are in danger of taking a hard fall. All the “brothers” who would have held David accountable to God’s way or told him a hard “no” were away at war.

This is when a rooftop becomes ripe for temptation. It’s a place where our desires can take an awful turn toward evil desires and we can be dragged away and enticed. (Jas. 1:14)

Consider your rooftops. Ask God to show you where you are physically, emotionally and mentally, and spiritually when you are most tempted to repeat the same mistakes or to sin. Ask Him to open your eyes to you how you got there. 

Understand when you ask Him this, He stays with you to sort through it. He doesn’t turn on the light in a messy room and walk away, telling you to clean it up. With God, no condemnation, no shame, exists. (Rom. 8:1). He desires to lead you in the way everlasting. (Ps. 139:24) That includes freedom from condemnation and shame, and freedom from lingering rooftops. 

It may be helpful to read through the rooftop list considering your body and physical locations first, then soul (heart and mind) places, then spiritual places. 
   It may be when you are feeling insecure, rejected, lonely, or fresh from a break up that you become desperate for someone who could really be the perfect guy to meet all your needs—and rush into sex in the next relationship you find. 
   It may be that you seem to be attracted to the same kind of man, every time, but nowhere to be seen is his true relationship with Jesus, and you set your relationship with Jesus aside every time, because you believe this guy is different—and you can “handle it; this one will be better.” 
   It could be the same guy you struggle with, break up, have long conversations, get back together, and enter in to the exact same mess all over again. Where’s your rooftop there? 

The primary lesson I learned in living beyond our pasts is that we must take time to know our rooftops. If we ignore our rooftops or don’t truly identify them, then the very places we have tripped before we may trip again. We stop repeating the same mistakes when learn to avoid our rooftops or get off of and get away from those places. 

It is there that we can stop short on the path of heart led astray and entrust ourselves, and our needs and desires to God. As we look to Christ to answer spirit-soul-body longings in His way and in His time we will find Him wholly satisfying, and find ourselves becoming whole.

Just another seed of my faith,

Ginny

How did I get here? (Good Christian girls did it too)

Good Christian girls did it too.

       Good Christian girls still do it.

We had Christian friends, and worship music, and were leaders in our student ministry. We led Bible studies, had daily quiet times, and watched God answer our prayers. We fed the homeless and confessed our sins at retreats. We shared a devo at FCA and obeyed our parents. We kissed dating goodbye. We dressed modestly most of the time. We knew not to have sex before we were married because true love waits. We pledged in our hearts or with rings or necklaces to be pure and wait for God’s man for us. We loved Jesus.

We knew Truth and we knew better.

And we “did it.”

Truly we felt strong in our faith, solid in our love, and tried to do right and be good. Yet, at some point, we look around at how far we've tumbled from some spiritual high place or mountain top, and in a battered, messy heap at the bottom we ask...

“How did I get here?”

We aren't left there without answers. God shows us in His Word that at the height of faith, love, and obedience, we can fall into sexual sin. He reveals this in the story of David. You might know David as King David, or the story of David and Goliath. If you were raised going to church, you may know about David’s anointing by Samuel, David being chased by Saul, David and Johnathan, God’s covenant with David—and at the height of an extraordinary relationship with God, at the apex of victories, mercy and might, at the pinnacle of a “mountain top experience”—

David and Bathsheba.

I scoured the Scriptures trying to figure out how a man with such a relationship with God could end up falling headlong into sexual sin.

A few verses imply the state of David’s heart. God’s commands for kings in Deuteronomy 17 included that Israel’s king must not multiply, or have, many wives. The consequence for ignoring this command? His heart would be led astray.

David should have had a personally handwritten copy of the law. He was to read it daily so he would know it front to back, and know God as he followed His ways. David knew the command for the king was one wife. David knew Truth and knew better.

David had seven wives. (2 Samuel 3:2-5, 13-14)

David did not BASE jump from the mountain top into sexual sin with Bathsheba. With each choice from his heart to ignore God’s Word, with each new wife and relationship, David’s heart slowly turned from God’s desires and ways for him, to his own.

Heart led astray. 

I believe those words mean slowly, step by step, passively controlled and overpowered by something, to a place you are not supposed to be.

According to Deuteronomy 17, God was supposed to be his first love, his deepest desire, and the One David would rely on to meet all his needs. Instead, he ultimately turned to wives, women, and his own prowess. Yet, having more didn't equal being satisfied. His desires took control, luring him down an ever-darkening path towards unchecked indulgence, destruction and heart break.

How was your heart led astray?

Was there a slow step by step path paved with desires and choices that led you towards sexual sin?

For me, it was a slow progression, one I honestly didn't realize was happening. I was a good, churched girl with a mountain top experience, yet I also had deep needs. And, I didn't know that God could truly meet all my needs, or that I could turn my needy heart towards Him. I think I knew through church of how to do right and be good, but I could not figure out why those things weren't fitting into what I was experiencing in my own life. Lofty Bible things played out for other, better, holier, prettier, less needy people.

I gradually began to explore how to have my needs met through my relationships with guys. My needs became chained to deep desires that were satisfied momentarily, but they were never fully met. So I kept hungering, kept seeking, kept offering more and taking more.

My heart was being led astray. His Spirit was convicting me, calling me to stop, turn around and come back to Him. But, at some point I chose to ignore to the Voice in my heart, the One calling me back to the simple truths I knew about God and His way. My needs and desires and finally, demands for indulgence drowned out the sweet call of the Spirit—the same Spirit David must have heard calling to him. I found myself in places I shouldn't have been, and I fell into sexual sin.

How did we get here? The “path of heart led astray.” This is part of David’s story and I am thankful God chose to tell all of David’s story in Scripture. God’s story also tells me that He wasn't done with David after his heart was led astray. It didn't end with a fall or a messed-up heap. Since He wasn't through with David, we can trust He isn't done with good Christian girls who knew better and did it anyways.

Just another seed of my faith,

Ginny

A few thoughts from a free woman on 50 Shades

All across my social media has been this conversation about the opening of Fifty Shades of Grey this weekend. Old Matt Walsh posts surfacing, lots of psychologists viewpoints and statistics being shared, and many women voicing personal concerns or excitement over seeing this film. The same happened with the book.

Because we're friends I'll tell you that I have a few thoughts, but I have only read  reviews and articles regarding the book and film. I have not actually read Fifty Shades of Grey. 

Why?

Four reasons.

First, I am fairly picky about what I read because I have so little time to read. Second, if it's popular, I question it. Wildly popular? I'll probably not pick it up. (Left Behind? Never read it.) Third, I understand enough to be able to stand against things like glorifying violence, abuse, emotional pornography, actual pornography, degrading women, and degrading sex. And fourth, because I'm free. 

I also won't see the film, because I'm

Free.

Women have shared strong views on why they can't handle what the hype is all about--it's just reading a few books or just seeing a movie. It's way outside their reality, it's just escaping into a story for a little while. Besides, women can be sexual any way they want to. If it includes a bit of consensual bondage, being dominated, or hurt that seems scintillating, so what? Women have the right or are free to experience what they want, so what's all the fuss? 

I see something in the broader story and in the broader reaction that actually reminds me I am indeed free, but not like the blog and article responses suggest. We want something beyond our story, beyond our experience, and what this invites us into is that "beyond" means sly contracts, bondage, domination, hurt, confusion, unmet relational needs, and yet still an attraction to go further. 

In very plain language, without any BDSM attached to it, we have already experienced this. 

So many of our stories include that somehow, somewhere along the way we were enticed within a relationship. Maybe we were enticed to have our desires and needs met, enticed by how different he was, enticed by risk or change. At each point along the way, even before we ever had sex, we were agreeing to go down a path with our spirits and souls, and eventually our bodies joined. We may not have even realized it. Many of us could name now that in the end, we realized that what sexual sin did was bind us. We felt overcome, overruled, dominated by our sin, our struggle, and our desire to have what we deeply needed or desired. And when sex and that relationship didn't deliver, pain flowed, hurt abounded, and we were left confused. Many of us were willing to go further down the dark paths of sin and brokenness, hoping we'd finally find what we needed and wanted. 

So I don't need to see it. It is not thrill, excitement, and harmlessly outside my own experience. It is my experience. And experiencing "beyond" has nothing to do with something outside of me and everything to do with Christ's work inside me. Beyond my experience isn't Fifty Shades of Grey, it's freedom.

Freedom from a deeper hunger and thirst for things men could never give me, freedom from offering my body to take part in and be mastered by ever darkening shades of sin and shame, freedom from hating my body, freedom from degrading my soul, freedom from the weight all this bore on my ever shattered spirit. I was freely loved, freely given grace, freely made new, freed. Freedom in Christ means I am free to know my Savior and how He meets my needs, free to offer my body in worship and righteousness, free to be whole--spirit, soul, and body, free to be me, free to love and let a man off the hook for not being God, free to never go back, free to embrace His story in my life, free to live beyond. 

Free.

Just another seed of my faith,
Ginny

Am I forever marked by my past?

As I was searching for what it meant to really live beyond my past, I looked for stories that seemed finished. Ones that would give me hope and some kind of picture of how this could be. I’ll be honest with you, what I remembered of Rahab was that she was a prostitute. Not really the poster child for living beyond.

If that’s how I remembered her, is that how God “remembered” her? Is she just forever marked in Scripture as Rahab the prostitute?  Did she really get to live beyond her past?

To give you a quick answer, she did! She became a wife and a mother and a follower of God. There are some great scriptures and stories of her legacy, but for us today, we’ll consider three scriptures that answer our deeper question.

Salmon the father of Boaz, whose mother was Rahab,
Boaz the father of Obed, whose mother was Ruth,
Obed the father of Jesse,
and Jesse the father of King David. (Matthew 1:5-6)

A woman who came from a sexually messed up culture and a past of sexual sin—a woman who was rescued and made whole—is forever linked to the Messiah! That list in Matthew is Jesus’ genealogy, and she is one of just five women listed! It highlights her story in Jesus, and Jesus forever in her story. What’s more, God delights in showing off His glory and grace—that glory and grace over Rahab that coursed through the veins of the Savior that poured out His life for us.

Rahab’s story confirms there is real life beyond Jericho (our pasts) for all of us. But consider that in living beyond her past she would have to look at her full story. She and the Israelites knew the story. She was from Jericho and had been a prostitute. She was the only one with faith in Jericho, the walls came down, and she was made whole. Who could ever forget that story in its fullness? Because didn't even stop with being made whole--her full story was an invitation to her and the whole Israelite community to see her deliverance and their deliverance as a picture of greater things to come. We know those “greater things” as Jesus Christ and the Great Rescue—the Gospel!

We have to look back on our pasts through the lens of God seeing us all along and look forward through the lens that He brought us out to live new lives, ones that reflect His full Story. See how God views her full story.  

 By faith the prostitute Rahab, because she welcomed the spies, was not killed with those who were disobedient. (Hebrews 11:31)

 In the same way, was not even Rahab the prostitute considered righteous for what she did when she gave lodging to the spies and sent them off in a different direction? (James 2:25)

 These verses specifically point out her faith. Rahab is remembered for her faith! And while both of these verses remind us that she was a prostitute, they don’t remind God that she was a prostitute. He includes that for our benefit, not His. He does so only to show us that in the midst of our darkest places, faith can happen! Rahab believed God, not when she was cleaned up and “holy”, but when she was actively living in Jericho and in sexual sin. Do you know what that means for you and me?

First it means faith is yours to receive, by grace, right where you are. If you have not believed Jesus for salvation and His ability to rescue you out of sin and make you whole, you can! If you have not yet trusted Christ as your personal Savior, do it now! Otherwise, you cannot heal. You will not know what it means to fully, wholly live beyond your past. There are no more steps we can take together without your salvation. Jesus is calling to you—come, believe, live!

For those of us who have believed Christ to be our Savior, Rahab’s full story proves to us that God does not remember us as we were in the midst of our sin. Our sexual sin is not forever the label or “scarlet letter” we have to wear (or conceal). God’s story in Rahab tells us that we are not labeled with our old lives. Our faith is all that remains, therefore our full stories point to the Giver of Faith, the Rescuer, the Caller of All Things That Are Not As Though They Were, the I AM--and the Gospel in action. So really all that remains is God and His glory, center stage.

With that truth active in our lives, “Rahabs” like you and me get to live beyond our pasts in the new life He has given us with Him. We get to live as God has made us: whole.

Just another seed of my faith,

Ginny

Pure? But I feel so dirty. (Part 2)

Since God calls us pure, and we can’t oppose it (see our conversation yesterday: Part 1) then a deeper question swells. How does He call us pure, and how do we feel it?

As we stay connected to Rahab, I mentioned yesterday that she and her family were kept outside the camp for a prescribed time because they were “unclean” according to God’s laws. On this side of the Cross, we go from unclean to clean with salvation. And we are never allowed to call ourselves unclean again. All our impurities were laid on Jesus. Isaiah explained this as he described Jesus, the suffering Servant to come.

We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all. (Isa. 53:6)

While we were astray, going our own way, Jesus took on, wore, and became our impure sin. And, according to the truth in 2 Corinthians 5:21, when Jesus became sin for us, we became the righteousness of God. There is no unclean, impure, stained thing in the righteousness of God. So while Rahab had to wait outside the camp for a time under the old rules, that is not for you and me. We have been declared clean, and if God says it, then who are we to think we can oppose it?

You might ask, “How can God just call something pure? He just says it and that’s it? It seems too easy. I don’t know if I can just accept that. ‘God, do you know how bad my sin is?’” That was my cry, my concern, and the slippery sides of the pit I was trying to climb out of in my own strength. He reveals to us in Isaiah 53 that for Jesus, our purification was not easy. It was costly. It cost His torturous death on the cross. It took God’s strength to conquer death and raise Jesus out of the grave. (Isa. 40:10; 51:5; 53:1, 4-6; 59:16) God, being the truest of true, has no hesitation or trouble declaring truth. In fact that’s the only language He speaks. Because through Christ it is so very true, He can “easily” say, “You are pure.”

When we find out it’s as simple as the Gospel, sometimes we have trouble with that. Oh, in our heads we know it's right, but in our souls we silently struggle. Some of us think there has to be some sort of long journey of hard lessons and spiritual hard labor that earns us the heavenly title of pure.

Haven't we have labored under our own efforts long enough? Can we see where that got us? How many times have we stood looking in the mirror after a memory of sexual sin rushes through our minds and feeling the weight of our own uncleanness, trying hard to shake that feeling, or perhaps fully indulging it? Have you found yourself pierced, crushed, applying personal punishment, struggling with gaping wounds, the weight of sin heaped on you?

And yet, Jesus took all of that for us.

But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him, and by His wounds we are healed. (Isaiah 53:5)

Do you believe that Jesus endured the hardest labor, the greatest humiliation, the worst bodily torture, the most vast separation and abandonment by the Father, and rose again? Do you believe then that we could do anything better or farther to be made and called pure?

What He explains in 1 Corinthians 1:26-30 brings together called pure and believing you’re pure so you can live pure. Read it with me.

Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things--and the things that are not--to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God--that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption.

According to these verses, what or who did He choose?

Do you notice He doesn’t state what comes after the word “not”? I love that! He chose the things that were not pure and not clean. He chooses Rahabs like you and me to show off that He knows best what to call things, and how to make the “things that are not” the things they actually are in His eyes. And He can, because we are in Christ.

It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, Who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption.

All of those things are pure. All of those things are you.

Is there blame or shame talk happening in your head which calls you impure or unclean? If you have trusted Christ as your Savior, then you have new strong words to refute that.

God says I am not allowed to call anything unclean or impure that has been made clean. In Christ, I have been made righteous, holy, and has been redeemed. That means clean and pure forever. There is no opposing God on this. I am pure.

Whenever accusations of “unclean” or “impure” come into your head or heart, you stand firm in Christ on this truth. When you put Truth over feelings again and again, you will silence the old feelings and begin to live—and feel—as you really are.

Pure.

Just another seed of my faith,

Ginny

Pure? But I feel so dirty. (Part 1)

Can I really be “pure” when I feel so dirty?

This was one of the biggest questions that lingered in my own soul for years on my healing journey. Before I was walking with Christ, the idea of being pure was something I had wrecked or something I rolled my eyes at—that was for “good girls.” After He rescued me, this question echoed inside me. While I could say I was rescued, I didn't feel like pure was a word that could be applied to me. 

Since we've been tracking with Rahab’s story, it’s fair to tell you that this truth grabbed hold of me in Joshua 6:22-25. While she and her family were lead out of the rubble of Jericho, and were ushered into lives of wholeness there’s this strange pause. She and her family were placed “outside the camp.” They were Canaanites and they had lived lives that God had warned His people against. According to the laws God had given, they were “unclean.” While this may seem exclusive to us or even seem harsh or unfair after her great show of faith in God, I believe there is something here for us. It’s gloriously connected to a wild story that spans Acts 10-11. 

Peter was struggling with his old life. He wanted to embrace his new story and live in the freedom Christ had purchased for him, but he was conflicted. He had a hard time living consistently, radically free. His issue: Jewish laws about food.  His deeper issue: calling something pure. His even deeper issue: believing it’s pure and living freely in that truth. 

God showed up and through a series of vivid images said, “Do not call anything impure that God has made clean." (Acts 10:15)
According to this verse, who makes and declares things clean?
Are clean things allowed to be called impure?

As Peter retold this incredible, freeing experience to a group of friends that had been “outside the camp”—non-Jews who had become followers of Christ--he added a heart layer to what God had shown him. “But God has shown me that I should not call any man impure or unclean.” (Acts 10:28) The deepest issue: calling people pure.

Peter closed the old story to embrace the new life God had for him by saying this, “If they've believed in the Lord Jesus Christ, [and He has made and called them pure], and for certain this is true, who was I to think I could oppose God?” (Acts 11:17, my paraphrase) 

When we don’t know that God has called us pure, we can feel torn or stuck like Peter. We want to embrace living beyond our pasts and leaving behind those old feelings of sin or shame—the dirty feeling—but we aren't sure what that means or if we even can.

When our deepest issue is believing God has called us pure, we can run into more shame or even sin.
The shame script that plays in our heads and hearts can be that we feel like we have to live outside the camp forever, watching others go into freedom, into faith community, and they get to be and feel pure. “But not so fast Rahab. Not you.” Somehow, in the midst of our desire to be free of our pasts, Satan has injected a lie that says, “You can be rescued, but you can’t be restored. And more than that you can’t be free. You won’t feel pure because you aren't pure. So, this far in living beyond your past and no farther.” And then he invites us to blame anyone but him for this lie coursing through our souls. We blame ourselves with every memory, dream, temptation, and old story that pops into your head. We may quietly, lamely begin to blame God for not making us feel more pure or totally free, and we may question His power or His love for us.

Sometimes this can lead us to temptation. We are tempted to be jealous of others that look so free and pure. We are tempted to despise, dismiss, or even reject them for seeming on the outside the way we long to be on the inside. And it leads to bitterness in our hearts. 

If I can press into this a bit further, some of us may even blame the Church. We might say at times that we don’t want to be judged, so we won’t go there. Don’t get me wrong, I know the brokenness of people in the Church means that we can hurt one another. I've watched a well-meaning woman practically hand another woman a proverbial scarlet letter and let her know it suited her well (a story for another day). But I've been the woman that rejected the Church because I didn't want to be judged. In reality, I didn't want to be exposed for not feeling as pure as they seemed. I wasn't satisfied living outside the camp and feeling unclean. I wanted to be pure. I had no idea God said I was. 

I wonder if you didn't even know God has called you pure. 
I wonder if it’s news to you that you might be going against God’s way for you by not believing that what He has called pure, you can’t call dirty. 
The ache of our hearts and the lie of the enemy has been exposed. 

Now you know. Now you want to believe which means live it. So, how has God called you pure? Is it just that easy? 
Come find out tomorrow. 

But in the meantime, get ready to leave the fringe of the camp. There’s more to His story in you than just the rescue. That was just the start!

Just another seed of my faith,
Ginny