Where God is when I sin

When I was in school, along with "Hypercolor" t-shirts there was a trend with posters, where hidden in the picture made of minute shapes was a 3-D image. The bright pink and blue contrasts looked like “snow” on a TV with an interrupted signal, but the cool kids would exclaim with astonishment when they saw the image, and the really cool kids could pick it out quickly.

I could never see those stupid 3-D images. All I ever saw was pink and blue snow. So I faked it. I’d agree with the group of kids, and even roll my eyes in slight annoyance at other kids who couldn't see what clearly everyone else could see. 

I had no idea what I was looking at. 

I think sometimes our picture of God feels like a 3-D illusion poster. Somehow people around us seem to see something about Him, and at times we’ll even fake it, but fact is, we've never seen God that way. 

This was a place of vulnerability for me when it came to where God was and how God saw me when I sinned, repeatedly chose sin, or when I was a mess, laying in a heap at the end of the path of heart led astray. 

What have you heard about where He is and how He feels when we've sinned or we've gotten stuck at the bottom of a pit? 

Maybe it’s radical, wide grace and love, and you've just never seen Him that way.
Maybe it’s discipline (but that seems like a Christian word for punishment and total disapproval).
Maybe it’s strong words that scare you, because they hint at a picture that God will at some point just be done with repeat offenders.
Maybe you've never heard and so you've created your own picture. 

When we aren't sure where God is or how He feels when we have sinned, our picture is snow. 

But, come see. See for yourself. 

David, in the midst of sin--having lusted, had sex with another man’s wife, lied, manipulated, lived in total hypocrisy, murdered, created a home at the end of the path of heart led astray, with a totally calloused heart--thought he had it all covered. He had settled in to a life built around sin. It seems in this part of his story (2 Sam. 11) God is nowhere to be found. The chapter closes with a clue for us.

“But the thing David did displeased the LORD.” (2 Sam. 11:27)

Examine those words. What does that verse say about God, where He is, and how He feels about David?

Careful now. Really look.

God was there seeing David’s life, choices, and heart. God knew David’s sin and it displeased our holy God. 
     God had not left or ignored David.
          God also knew David, and who he really was. And He loved him.

Where do we see that? 

In 2 Samuel 12, God didn't sit feeling displeased, He didn't withdraw from David, He moved towards David.

Rich in mercy, abounding in love, He didn't ignore sin or send immediate judgment or punishment; He sent an opportunity to repent. This is the nature of the LORD.

And so, He sent His “mouthpiece,” Nathan. Nathan came to David at rock bottom, at the end of heart led astray, and boldly spoke truth to him, exposing David’s heart and sin. God’s heart was for David to confess and repent.

(How has God spoken truth into your life, shedding light on your sin, and pointing you to a relationship with Him? What were those words and how did you react to His message? Did you see this as God moving towards you to reach you?)

We see this truth played out in the Gospel. When we were at our worst, total enemies of God, a heap of mess far from God, repeat offenders--God moved towards us. He sent His only Son, Who put on flesh and made His home among us. This time, He didn't send a prophet, He came full of grace and truth, to show us Who He is, who we are, and how He feels about us. Sin displeases Him because He is holy, and He loves us. He showed His love by giving His perfect life in our place on the cruel cross, taking on our sin. He conquered our sin with His own death. God brought Him back to life, showing off His glory, and giving us a picture of what He will do with every sinner who trusts Christ as their Rescuer—give them new life! The Good News is because of Jesus Christ, God gives us an opportunity to turn to Him and follow Him. 

Want to see clearly where God is and how He feels when we sin? Throughout His whole Story, including David’s story, we see again and again--when we sin God is near, seeing everything, knowing who we are, and loving us. He moves towards us, desiring that we confess our sin and turn to Him. 

Confess. Repent. (That's what we'll explore next!)

Just another seed of my faith,
Ginny

Lust, hypocrisy, calloused hearts...Avalanche

I believe that any sin is a tangle. 
   Like a “rats” nest in your hair. It’s not a single strand that makes a mess. It’s one looped in another twisted with another snarled with those until it’s painful to resolve. 
   Like a traffic jam. It’s not a single car. It’s the whole highway crawling along as we finally get a glimpse of the wreck that caused this whole mess.

Like an avalanche. It’s not a snowball, but rather a cracking sheet of immense snow that pitches forward roaring down a mountain, consuming everything in its path, growing greater by the second, until it settles at the bottom, having buried everything and everyone. 

Read 2 Samuel 11 like a story and you see as David’s heart was led astray over time, his sin grew, like an avalanche, piling sin on top of more sin, cover up over cover up, all the way to the bottom.

Because he was a king and his story seems so specific (whoa, I haven’t murdered anyone), if we aren’t careful, we put him in some Bible story and never examine if his path of heart led astray, including lust, hypocrisy, and callousness, could very well be like ours.  

Lust
Lust is not a gender specific issue, just for men. (Frankly, it’s not just a sexual issue.) Consider an author’s stark words that offer deeper understanding of lust. 

Have you experienced this?

David’s story echoes in those words. What was the thought in his mind and heart when he saw her? “If he just had her then he’d be…” Lust enslaved him. He couldn’t conceive of being content without her and so he sent for her and had sex with her. Then it owned him.

Hypocrisy
When Bathsheba sent word that she was pregnant, he scrambled to cover up his sin and make himself look righteous. And he acted like a king would…

royal orders

royal summons to ask royal questions

royal dinners

royally stamped execution orders

royal regards for the loss of a soldier

royal wedding bells.

In truth, David engaged in 

deceit

hypocrisy

tempting others to abandon integrity

treachery

and murder

--all to cover up his initial sin.

Deceit and hypocrisy were two sins I relied on as I struggled with sexual sin. My world revolved around lying to keep from being exposed and keeping consequences to a minimum. 

Hypocrisy seemed an easy game for a while: go to church, answer the right questions, play the part of the good Christian girl. But as my sin grew and grew, my hurting heart became calloused. I still tried to cover sin but I also shrouded my soul in bitterness and arrogance--“This is just who I am, and I’m fine with it!” 

I lied to others and I tried to lie to myself. Underneath the callous was the painful truth—I was not “fine with it.”

Callousness
Coupled with David's hypocrisy was a callousness that grew as his sin multiplied: ignoring Bathsheba’s husband’s integrity, skillfully trying to get him to abandon that integrity, and when he wasn’t successful at that David drafted a military order (carried back to battle by Uriah himself) that ensured Uriah’s death.

Thick layers of sin and cover-up produced David’s response to the news of Uriah’s demise. “You win some, you lose some.”

No guilt. No grief. Just a quenched Spirit. 

Quench, stifle, extinguish, put out--in essence, we can become so calloused to the Spirit that we no longer even feel the conviction and call to repentance anymore. (1 Thess. 5:19) 

Lust, cover-up, hypocrisy and callousness.

Those truths made me search for God in the midst of that avalanche—David’s and mine.Where was He? Had He turned His back, or worse yet, was He done with David? 

Strangely enough He’s found in a solitary statement that clinches the end of the chapter. 

“But the thing David did displeased the LORD.”

That means God was seeing David, knowing what David was doing. God was not the one who had changed or departed. David was. It was David’s heart that was led astray. God was where He had always been, and He was Who He has always been. 

LORD. I AM. Keeper of all the promises His people fail to keep. Holder of the past, present and future even when His people sin and forget. God was remembering who David really was, even when David chose to live in calloused forgetfulness. He was keeping His promise to him, and Abraham, and even you, that a Messiah would come through David, even when God’s covenant was dim in his lustful heart. 

Yes, David had practically abandoned everything for his sin. 
Yes, God was displeased, but not done. God’s story wasn’t finished.
For David, or for us.

The only place where God was done was at the cross where our lusts, sexual sins, hypocrisies and callousness were paid for. It was that place where what we wanted to cover-up, Jesus actually covered. He covered us in His blood. He covered us in His righteousness. He covered us with His record. 

“It is finished.” (Jn. 19:30) 

Done. That’s the Gospel. 

When our sin comes crashing down, the Gospel finds us buried under the weight of it all, with God coming to our rescue. 

How will we respond?

Just another seed of my faith,
Ginny

Knowing I AM

I AM. 
LORD.
Your Bible most likely has this name written in all caps. It is God’s name that was to convey that He was a personal God with a personal name. He would be rescuing a people that were personally His with a personal purpose for Himself and them based on a personal promise He made with Abraham a long time before.

I AM. This same One has extended His hand to rescue us. He's the One we get to know.  

I AM was the One Rahab was grabbing onto for rescue as well. Why did she trust His hand? How did Rahab even know about Him? What did she know about Him? 

Numbers 14:13-14 tells us that stories were pouring out of Egypt about how God had rescued the Israelites. These stories had reached Jericho, where Rahab lived, and were powerful enough to make the city melt with fear. 

Not just rumor, but true story had it that "You, O LORD, are with these people and that You, O LORD, have been seen face to face, that Your cloud stays over them, and that You go before them in a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night." 

Sometimes it's hard to think that words like cloud, pillar, and O LORD from Numbers fit into our own desire to live beyond our pasts. But consider the deeper truths Rahab believed as she reached out to grab onto I AM--the God…

Who is God. Whatever her experience with gods and worship in Jericho, and whatever her heart had wanted or wondered about gods, she was now certain of this one thing. I AM, this final, real name for the real true God told her He alone was God and He did these mighty deeds which she had heard about. She declared by faith that He was over everything, everywhere. (Josh. 2:11)

Who had a people He fought for.  The stories revealed that Israel was free. They were no longer slaves that belonged to masters; they belonged to a God Who fought for them to give them this new life. Rahab "belonged" for a moment to whoever purchased her body. I wonder if the reality of Israel’s freedom and a God Who fought for them gave her faith that she would no longer have to belong to someone for a moment, or for a price, because she could be free and truly belong to Him. I AM would fight for her, rescue her, and bring her into this new life.

Who could be known. He also was a God Who seemed to invite an intimate, personal knowing of Who He was. Moses had seen Him face to face. God had openly described Himself to Moses in Exodus 34:5-7a. 

Then the LORD came down in the cloud and stood there with him and proclaimed his name, the LORD. And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, "The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. 

Stop here and really consider the truths He shared about Who He is and how He relates to us int he verse above. God was in a relationship with His people—intimately knowing, and being known—and she could experience that too!

Who never abandoned or left His people alone. Regardless of what they did, He was committed to being with them. He stayed over them and went before them in every step. As a woman who had men come and go in her life, who had been perpetually exposed, and daily consumed and abandoned, her experience with Him could be radically different.

Can you relate to Rahab?

  Do you long to really know God? 

Not just what others have said or dreamed up or made Him out to be?

    

Do you hunger for Him to be real and powerful 

and more than a human conjuring of what a god might be?

     

 Do you desire to be free, living a new life where you truly belong?

        

Do you wish someone would be present and stay?

          

Do you hold out hope that you could fully know Him 

and be known for all you really are: spirit, soul, and body?

           

 Do you ache to be covered and never abandoned or alone again?

Rahab, by hearing, knew LORD, I AM, was a God that did those things. Surely if God could deliver and save them from Egypt, I AM could do it for her.

He could.

She believed.

If you have never heard it, hear it now. I am telling you, God is your personal, rescuing, redeeming God with a purpose for you that fits into His greater story where His glory gets center stage. He is the answer to every one of your longings, desires, secret hopes, and aching hungers. He is that God, and you are that person. 

Will you believe? 

Just another seed of my faith,
Ginny

God is in my present, past, and future

I've spent the last few posts sharing threads of God's story with Rahab and us. When I immersed myself in God's story with Rahab I found that I had so much in common with a prostitute from Jericho. She had a "now" she was living in, and as she heard stories about what God had done for others her heart opened towards a future that could be totally changed and connected to the God Who saves. 

That sounds really good, but I was rattled by her faith. She knew so little, yet she believed. In light of her faith on display, I had to ask: if we hear stories about what God has done for others, and we choose to believe what He did for others He can do for us--deep down, what are we really believing? What are we going on? Those stories can have religious language and even happy endings, but there is something more to them. There's a reality. Power. Something over, under, around, with, in, behind, ahead--making all this story, this living beyond, happen.

So the question becomes, Who are we really believing?

We see her faith rested on God, with a specific name she called upon. That name drew me in, beckoned me to go deeper. He plunged me into fresh waters with a single word: LORD.

In the Bible, your name meant your character. This name for God was a game-changer. God spoke it for the first time to Moses in Exodus 3:14. 

God said to Moses, "I AM THAT I AM. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: 'I AM has sent me to you.' "

Your Bible most likely has this name written in all caps. It is God’s name that was to convey to Moses and the people that He was a personal God with a personal name. He would be rescuing a people that were personally His with a personal purpose for Himself and them based on a personal promise He made with Abraham a long time before. The name He reveals to Moses is “'Ehyeh 'asher 'ehyeh” or I AM THAT I AM.

I love what it conveys, but those words grouped together seem nebulous. What does that mean? Scholars have a lot to say about it. Understanding His name may help us to see both the depth of this name and the weight of what Rahab believed when she called on this name. And the kind of God He would be for her. That goes for us too.   

While I am certainly not a scholar, I find the original languages of the Bible incredibly interesting. They have much more depth and breadth than modern English. What you see in our English translations is good, but there can often be more than what meets the eye. 

What we find about I AM THAT I AM is that the verb means is, was, and is coming all at the same time. God is God in the present, past, and future simultaneously.

This truth comes to life in Revelation 1:4, 8.

...Grace and peace to you from Him Who is, and Who was, and Who is to come, and from the seven spirits before His throne..."I am the Alpha and the Omega," says the Lord God, "Who is, and Who was, and Who is to come, the Almighty."

I am convinced that the order of these words is more than just original verb tense. 

Who is
I believe that God puts His name in this order, with Who is first, because He wants us to know that He is a God Who is near and here. Right now. He is at the center of our reality. He is the source of all our reality. We can ignore, slight, or rebel against that, but it doesn't change the fact that every moment we are in, He is relevant and here. 

So we can’t put God only at creation and “Bible times” and then at Judgment and heaven. And we can’t push God until “later.” My heart cries out at how many of us, including myself, have tried to push God to “later,” not understanding it was Him in that moment refusing to be pushed and pursuing us in spite of our denial and rebellion!

Have you ever tried to ignore Him or push Him off? Have you tried to tell God you will deal with Him later? 

The encouragement is that we don’t only have to look back at time where we knew Him or didn't know Him, or look to a distant time when maybe we will get to know and experience Him. He is now, and we can have a real relationship with Him here.

Who was
I learned to love that He was in the past. Initially it was hard to imagine God being in times, places, situations, and relationships in the past because at the time I didn't want Him there, nor did I expect that He wanted to be there. And since there were parts of the past when I had carefully avoided Him by choice how could He be near me at those times? 

I have come to understand that the past was at one time the present, and God has never left me. He is near and He is here, so He was near and He was there. With this realization, I don't have to hide as though I can now cover what He shouldn't have seen. He saw my nakedness in all its forms (spirit, soul, and body) and tells me that there is no shame, because my past is covered by a Name He gave me faith to call upon as well--Jesus. We’ll explore those riches in steps further down our path.

Who is to come

He is also the One Who is to come. He is in the future. What about your future? Not just heaven, but tomorrow. God is already there. How does that make you feel? I wonder if that brings hope, fear, comfort, conviction, or an invitation to be totally changed and forever connected to a God Who saves.

Maybe you are like Rahab, and like me. Your ears and heart are hearing His name in its fullness. Thoughts and feelings may be emerging as you consider that He has always been in the present, past, and future. Don't be afraid to sort through those with Him. He is, was, and is to come. He is here with you, at the center of your reality. He has never left you and He desires to have you close so you can know Him more. In knowing Him personally He has more planned for you than staying where you are. There's more to His story with you.

LORD.  
What a name. What a God. What a game-changer.
That's Who we're believing.

And that's just a start.

Just another seed of my faith,
Ginny